RemarkAble Women Speak

Sharing a Secret Teaches and Nurtures

 

Lisa Ling, noted TV journalist, shared the trauma of her miscarriage on The View, taking the opportunity to introduce women to Secret Society of Women (SSOW). SSOW is a website on which women write about their hidden messages that want to be expressed, perhaps as a way to help other women or to ask for help.

SSOW is not about hiding secrets. It's about bringing them out into the open, these private thoughts that harbor guilt, confusion, and stress. Some posts are a chance to breathe life into possibility and potential. Others soothe and comfort with their responses to pain and suffering and grief.

I recently read a string of 67 posts about the situation in Egypt. Most posts centered around a pregnant woman in Egypt. No one had heard from her in a number ofdays, since Internet service was disrupted there. Now she is back online, and the embraces from women she has never met is so very endearing to read.

And there is hilarity and amusement on the site as well, along with words of wisdom, yummy recipes, and acknowledgments of gratitude...something for everyone.

Take a look at the SSOW website today, if only to take a moment in your busy day to connect with women like you.

Whose Time is It Anyway?

This past Christmas, I gifted my two sisters with the  book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - For Women, by Kristine Carlson. Inside the book, I placed a bookmark coupon that entitles each to have lunch with me, separately, and on my tab.

Part of the deal, though, is that we each will choose one of the 100 tips from Kristine, and hold each other accountable for implementing it into our lives this year. Since I'm meeting with both, I will choose two.

When I read the tip, "Give Yourself More Time Than You Think You'll Need," I knew that was one of my choices. Years ago, I was always on time. No matter the event, it was my habit to be on time. A meeting, dinner with friends, picking someone up at the airport - I was guaranteed to be there waiting.

And wait I did, while others lumbered in late, or sometimes not at all.  Eventually, my attitude shifted, and I developed a new habit of showing up just in the nick of time, or a few minutes late. Not for everything, but often enough. "That'll show them," I thought.

Well, it didn't show anyone anything except that I was late, and not mindful of their time. For me, though, it showed how I could let my attitude take precedence over my personal values of integrity and respect for others. Respect for me, as well. It's become a game to see how much I can squeeze in before grabbing my car keys.

Being late usually means I am running around at the last minute, or past the time I said I would be out the door. My heart races quicker than my feet as I dash from closet to mirror to PC to check one last email.

I don't need that stress. I don't want it. I want to be calm as I leave the house, not catching my breath as I zip along the highway.

A couple of weeks ago, I was scheduled to attend a meeting at 6:00 in the evening, which meant driving during the rush hour. The highway I would take is notorious for jams. I allowed extra time, and even though there was an accident up ahead that slowed us down, I was the first one to arrive, 1/2 hour ahead of time.

I began setting up the room until a couple others arrived. That taken care, I could then sit and chat, sip hot tea, and be relaxed and ready to contribute at the meeting.

When my youngest sister and I meet for lunch next week, I'll be ahead of time, glancing at the menu, ready to have her hold me accountable for cementing my "new" old habit.

A Final Tip: Schedule your travel time on your calendar as well as the actual event. Depending on the distance, I might schedule 5:30 for Travel and 6:00 for Networking Meeting. That way, I have two appointments to keep - one with myself, and a second with others.

What's your plan for managing your time?

Silence in the Soul

At 8:00 a.m. PST yesterday, I joined millions of people across the country,and maybe across the world, in a moment of silence for Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and all the victims of the massacre in Tucson. President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama led the silence as we bowed our heads.

The words I whispered were sent to all who were impacted by this tragedy. To those who died; to Rep. Giffords and others who were injured; to the families who face a new future; to those who witnessed a terrifying scene.

Additionally, each and every one of us has been impacted in some manner. Some angrily question the sanity of the shooter and the gun laws that allowed his purchase. Others are reminded of their own loved ones whose lives ended in a similar fashion under different circumstances. Still others question the divisiveness within political camps.

Putting that aside for a bit, what is important in these hours is to maintain a sense of calm and comfort, rather than engaging in speculation and anxious desires for retribution. This is not to say that chaos and unrest are reigning. In fact, I appreciate the soothing discussions and queries that I've seen and heard.

When tragedies such as this occur, you have the gift of the silence in your soul to remind you that peace begins with the self. No amount of blame or upset or media coverage will undo what has happened. Staying mindful of what you alone can manage and control helps you lend a quiet strength to those who choose frustration and angst.

Be still, be silent, be soulful. 

A Challenge in Transparency

I decided to accept the challenge of fabulous writer and fellow coach, Deborah Drake, to develop a list of 25 things you don't know about me. Transparency ain't bad when it's good. And it's good when it's authentic. Imagine not stressing about what others think. Here goes.

1. I have an uncanny knack for looking at a clock, night or day, at the exact time that is the same number as my birth month and day. 
2. I accept that I am estranged from an older sister, by her choice, and hold out hope that one day the relationship will be restored. 
3. Though I love to write, I sometimes crave perfection over a simple message. 
4. The thought of learning new software or technology panics me at first, and I stall. 
5. I love doing crossword puzzles! 
6. I used to always be early or right on time for appointments and events. Now I tend to run a tad late. 
7. When I no longer hear from a friend, even when I stay in contact, it really bothers me. 
8. One of my prized possessions is a photo of my mother hugging me at my 8^th grade graduation. 
9. I have a shadow box shrine for my cat that was euthanized 10 years ago. 
10. I never liked being called “skinny.” 
11. My second oldest brother is a shining example of how someone can turn their life around. I’, so proud of him! 
12. I wonder what world peace will look like when it shows up. 
13. I know I was put on this earth to help others in a profound way. 
14. I always thought I would be a mother, and though I don’t have children, I love having them around me. 
15. I’ve owned two cars in 35 years. 
16. The first man I truly loved was 15 years older than me. 
17. No matter how the trends differ from year to year, red is always my favorite color. 
18. I don’t make it to shove. I stop at push, with a smile. 
19. I will never, ever dye my hair. 
20. My parents had a library wall in their bedroom, so I love being surrounded by books. 
21. If I don’t have the money for something, I don’t buy it. 
22.  I know what love at first sight feels like. 
23. I have been up in the air, literally, in eight distinctively different ways. 
24. I still sew (occasionally) on my mother’s Singer machine she bought in the 60’s. 
25. I love how a heavy rain refreshes and cleanses the Earth.

There you have it. Will you take the challenge and share yourself with me? Write as spontaneously as you can, without editing or thinking too much. Do not, I repeat, do not stress over this. Let it flow. 

Let you flow, Remarkable Woman!  

 

Don't Put a Bow on Your Stress

Leave it to Oprah to find the experts that can help you minimize your stress during the hectic days of the holiday season. Putting a bow on your stress, as if to wrap it up and pretend you don't feel that way, is not going to make it going away.

Read what those who know have to share on the best ways for you to communicate effectively, stop the disruptive thoughts that get in the way, and stay in control.

Their collective wisdom and ideas are in this informative article that applies to all seasons of the year.

Enjoy!

You Have the Right to Refuse

Two weeks and 45 years ago, Rosa Parks refused to stand up and and give her seat to a White man on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama. That occasion marked the beginning of a boycott by African-Americans in order to gain respect and civil equality of their unalienable rights for which there was a history of denial.  

When was the last time you refused something or someone, whether it was the abuse in a relationship, mind chatter that diminishes your potential, or social expectations that could bring you financial ruin? 

The right of refusal is just as much an inalienable right as is the pursuit of happiness. It is especially so if, in the pursuit of that happiness, a person or a situation attempts to deny you what is rightfully yours.

Refuse to be stressed by the behaviors of others. Refuse to listen to the naysayers in your mind. Refuse to cave into pressures for the over-consumption of goods. Refuse to do what does not serve you and others well.

Know what you what. Know what is prompting your desire. Know why it's  important to you. Know you can have it. Know you deserve it.

Refuse to settle for less.

All is Calm; All is Right

They're ba-ack! The days of the year we refer to as the "holiday season."  While the season incorporates many religious and spiritual celebrations, they've been singularly categorized by the retail industry as "holiday season."

However it is that you refer to this time of year, I have one word that will get you through the busy days ahead. Calm. C-A-L-M. Children have demands (I Want!) and retailers have their pleas (Buy Today!). Even shipping companies have their dictates. (Mail Now!)

You don't have to get caught up in the busy pace, the endless requests, and the stress of seasonal madness.

Here's what to do.

• Prioritize. Know what matters most and give it your focus. The rest can wait or be delegated to someone else. You know you can't do it all.
• Stop in the moment. If you feel pressure or stress rising in your body, give yourself a break. Sit   down and be still. Take in some deep breaths. Meditate. Ask yourself, "What do I want right now?" Give yourself permission to do something else, like take a nap.
• Say "No." Well, say it politely, but be honest about your commitments. Even if everyone loves the fancy salad or tasty entree you bring to the potluck every year, if you have neither the time nor the inclination to prepare it, offer another option. Contribute towards the expenses. Bring a store-bought dish. Offer to serve.
• Buy for yourself first. If gift-buying is part of your holiday ritual, buy something for yourself first. Why?  Because you deserve it. And when you feel comforted and taken care of by yourself, you'll likely not be frazzled by taking care of others nor put yourself on the back burner. Sure, times are tight, so it doesn't have to be a high-priced item. Or maybe it's not a holiday gift, but a pedicure or lunch at better than a fast-food joint. Pamper yourself.

RemarkAble Women, ask for what you want. And if it is calmness, make it happen.

 

Stress and Heart Disease in Women

It's comforting to know that research continues to be conducted to determine the levels of stress that women experience, and the impact that stress has on our heart health. A study of over 17,000 women was conducted over a period of ten years.

Some of the research findings were recently published, and not surprisingly, they confirm that female workers suffer from levels of stress high enough to trigger heart attacks, bigh blood pressure, and high cholesterol levels. Notable among the findings is the high level of stress among women who work in healthcare.

Remarkable Women, what you are doing in the workforce is amazing! Your contributions have led to phenomenal advances in every aspect of society. Whether you are formally acknowledged or not, you know what you're doing to make a difference.

But heed the advice of the findings. Take care of yourself first. Exercise regularly, quit smoking if you do, adopt a healthy nutrition plan, get enough sleep, and practice calmness as often as possible.

 

 

Get Out There

(Note: This is a long post, but it's a story I want to share.)

When the phone call came, I felt a bit of hesitation, then decided, "Why not?" The coordinator at a local hospice organization where I volunteer asked if I would pick up and deliver some medication to a patient. It didn't work out earlier in the week when she called with a similar request, so I wanted to be there for her this time.

When I told her I was available, she thanked me and said, "I know it's not fun to get out there at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon." I really didn't mind, and since I was going to be on the road anyway, I decided I would also stop and pick up a pair of pants at my drycleaner.

On the way to the pharmacy, I was suddenly hit by a thought. Am I not fortunate to be able to get in a car and drive? To leave my home? To enjoy the warmth of the fall sun? What about the patient who is waiting at his home? What are his options? Why would I not want to "get out there," regardless of the time of day? Knowing I would bring relief to someone whose life will soon end is reason enough for me to "get out there."

My attitude, which was already feeling joyful, lightened even more. The wait at the pharmacy was brief, and the patient lived two blocks away. What could be more convenient? A family member answered the door, and I felt humbled when I asked for his signature authorization in exchange for the medication that would bring comfort to his loved one.

From there, I went to the drycleaner. Two customers were ahead of me. The first was having a playful conversation with the owner. Then the second chimed in. I listened with amusement. The first customer left, and the second customer continued his conversation.

All of a sudden, he said something that sparked a recogntion. "I know this guy!" I introduced msyelf by my first name and told him I know a mutual friend. He acknowledged what I said, but I didn't think he got it. I then told him, "I'm Patricia from...," and I explained the circumstances we have in common.

Next thing I knew, he was giving me a hug,and smiling all over, because of the connection. We have spoken on the phone in the past, but have never met. As if that wasn't enough, he said, "Let me get you some candy." He is part-owner of a gourmet candy company that recently earned a contract with the local Neiman Marcus store.

In no time, I was laden with popcorn brittle, pecan brittle, and chocolate shake brittle. I''ll let the website for Cornell Confections describe those tasty treats for you. It's going through a renovation now, so you won't be able to order, but come November 17, it should be ready to satisfy your sweet tooth.

What's the point of all this? When you "get out there," life is full of surprises and nooks and crannies to explore. It's filled with interesting people to meet, to explore along with, to teach and be taught by, to comfort, and to laugh with.

When you "get out there," life looks different. Its face is warm and exuberant, without a hint of judgment. Its brow is wrinkled with curiosity, its ears bristle with new sounds, and its eyes sparkle with the amazement of discovery.

Remarkable Woman, when will you "get out there?"

 

 

 

 

Community in the Round

I went to a networking group of bloggers and writers that has been meeting once a week for a little more than seven months. People come and go as they choose. Some attend more regularly than others. All are welcome and invited to participate in whatever mode is suitable for them. Some join in on the conversation; others sit and listen.

I showed up a tad late and easily slipped into the essence of the current conversation. Other latecomers followed me. After a bit of time, the facilitator offered that we could split into two groups since our size had grown to 24 of us. A quick poll kept us as we were - a community in a circle of connection. Quite interestingly, as I sat there pondering the community we were, I began to hear more mention of that word.

Community. A collection of individuals united in commonality and difference. Common in that all are bloggers or soon-to-be. All are entrepreneurs, even if in spirit and not yet by design. All are eager to share, even in their listening. Different in that the group included a painter, efficiency expert, artist, reflexologist, writing coaches, real estate broker, feng shui consultant, and a host of others amid the variety of participants.

What struck me the most, though, was the visual - the circle. As new arrivals showed up, chairs scooted back to expand the community. Yet, the community remained unbroken. In that completeness, there was a sense of calm that reverberated, despite the shifts. There wasn't any disruption. Smiles were exchanged. Conversations remained whole and intact, eager to offer and receive new perspectives.

Imagine living your life as community in a circle. Allowing for newness to enter without feeling disturbed. Engaging with differences that teach and inspire. Expanding with self-awareness and passion for making a difference.

By the end of our time together, I heard the word community uttered several times over. Some participants left a bit early, but we were still a community, in our circle. The circle was only broken once the chairs were put away.

We didn't need them anymore. Our community had moved to our hearts. The chairs will be brought out again next week, but when we walk in the door, we will already be connected.

Remarkable Woman, how are you in community with yourself? WIth others? What wants to come into your circle? How will you invite it in?