RemarkAble Women Speak

Filling a Bucket with Kindness

Yesterday, a friend and colleague gave a speech at our Toastmasters club. We weren’t able to connect after the meeting, so I called her later in the day and left a message since she wasn't home. I told her I didn’t want the day to end without letting her know how well she spoke, how organized her speech was, how her tone of speech matched her body language, and that I appreciated the message behind her words.

 

Last night, she called me to say she didn’t want the day to end without telling me how my message made her day, and that she appreciated my feedback. A dip into one bucket led to a dip into another. We both felt appreciated for the simple acts we took to acknowledge each other.

 

According to The Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket (based on How Full is Your Bucket? by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D.), we each have a dipper with which we can fill someone's bucket with positive praise and appreciation, or empty it by dipping in with negative comments and behaviors. In turn, our own buckets are filled when we continually embellish our relationships with acts of kindness and encouragement. What goes around comes around.

 

If you feel stressed and frustrated by the events occurring in your personal and professional life, and in the larger world, stop, take a deep breath, and notice all the good that is happening around you. Who is responsible for that? What have they done or said to contribute to that goodness?

 

How will you thank them?

Eat, Pray, and Love in Calmness

Eat, Pray, Love - the movie. Eat, Pray, Love - the lesson.

I saw the movie last week at a pre-party and movie screening sponsored by Chick Chat Seattle. A large gathering of women convened at lulemon athletica in Pacific Place Mall to sip wine, munch on pasta, chant, practice yoga, visit Italy, India and Bali on the internet, and gear up for Elizabeth Gilbert's adventures at a nearby theater.

This post is not a movie review, though. And it's not a book review.

It's a lesson review. A lesson for you and me in how I have eaten, prayed, and loved my way to less stress and more calm in my life. You can do it as well. Here's a recap of what I've learned throughout my years.

Eat to nourish your self and your soul. I grew up in a multi-cultural society, eating sushi, chicken adobo, black-eyed peas, kalua pork, char sui bao, Portuguese bean soup, and the menu goes on. But it is more than the food I remember. What stays in my heart is the introduction to the values of culture and self-identity.

My parents immersed me and my siblings in the nuances of other ethnicities, not only because everyone else did the same, but also because it exposed us to how we are different and alike at the same time. This serves as a reminder that we are always surrounded by community, by those who are willing to support us, to lend a helping hand, to offer advice, and to share the load, when times feel tough. All that from "breaking bread" together. It matters less what you eat, and more the way in which you find spiritual nourishment and inner peace.

Pray for others and for your soul. I pray for family, friends, and strangers to be guided through life's trials and victories. I pray for their forgiveness when I falter against them. And I pray for me. I pray for the strength to persevere. I pray in gratitude for my many blessings. I pray that my soul continues to ground me and keep me mindful of who and what is important in my life, especially when I feel the urge to choose stress over calmness. Pray for serenity.

Love others and the soul of your self.To love thy neighbor as thyself is to appreciate what is, without judgment or disdain. Sometimes it's a struggle, but loving the differences (see Eat) honors the soul of the other while blessing the self. Rather than lay blame or find fault, adapt and embrace. You'll be amazed at how your sense of self strengthens when it is enhanced by the divineness of others.

Eat, Pray, and Love. How do they calm your life?

Living Without the Clutter

"I never saw a hearse with a U-Haul attached to it."  My friend was howling as she recounted these words she heard from her preacher during a Sunday sermon.

Get the point? There's not much more to say about that, is there? But I'm gonna anyway. That one sentence is about as simple a way to convey its very message of simplicity. Twelve words, if you count the U-, strung together in a powerful witticism.

Ah, if life were as simple as a dozen words! Too often we complicate it with adjectives and adverbs designed to embellish our homes, our garages, our closets, our recreation. Complicated clutter. Stuff.

When we feel that the adjectives that clutter our possessions need apply to us, we struggle to be "New and Improved," "Freshest Ever," and "Ravishingly Stunning," in order to "Win Big," "Look Thinner," and "Have it All!"

And to get it all, you must "Act Now!"

What if it isn't an act? What if you are "Simply Happy" and "Full of Wisdom" without any pretense? No act. Just you being you. Now that's something worth having. The simplicity of the self, with freedom to explore life, to be curious about the next corner, and to relish peace of mind.

The best part is there are no strings attached. No coupons to clip or memberships to join. You're in the company of you, yourself, and however else you choose to participate in the world. Always. Your choice. Your desire. Your simplicity.

That other stuff? You can't take it with you.

Shedding Light on the Positives

I went from our garage to the kitchen, and noticed a golden haze filtering through the skylights. Then I saw the same light coming through the skylight in the bathroom. I returned to the garage and told my husband what I saw. Then I saw the same light emanating out from the shadow of the deck above the garage. It was a bit surreal for me.

When I looked up at the sky, the sun seemed to be as bright as an eclipse, even though it was surrounded by clouds. We determined that the cloud cover accounted for the light, and left it at that.

This morning, my husband pointed to the headline in the newspaper. Fires tint skies with yellow haze.

Aha! Smoke from wildfires more than 150 miles north central of Seattle is what caused the golden tint. Leave it to Mother Nature to balance something not-so-good with something that is good.

Isn't that the way it is with circumstances in our life that go wonky on us? We get stressed and bothered by what's going on without seeing the upsides, the positives, the benefits, and the lessons to gain. We desperately wait for the afterglow when the glow already surrounds us.

Don't misunderstand me; I'm not a fan of wildfires. They harm the environment, put firefighters at risk, and devastate the lifestyles of nearby residents. Breathing the smoke is harmful to those with respiratory ailments. I get that.

What I appreciate is that, even in their fury, the fires cast a glow that is welcoming and beautiful at the same time it heralds devastation and ecological disaster. Plus, as has been seen time after time, new life springs anew from the charred ruins of these fires, determined to prove that resiliency prevails.

Is this a bit of a stretch of the imagination? Perhaps. But I enjoy finding life affirmations wherever they show up and in whatever manner.

Look around. Take notice. What affirmation about life's goodness is standing right in front of you?