Do You Know How to Say No?

It's right there in the dictionary (page 777 in my Webster's), and yet it's probably one of the most under-used, or incorrectly used, words in the English language.  It's interesting that it ended up on that particular page.  Those numbers are usually associated with luck, though that might be more superstition than fact.

As luck would have it, though, we mastered the use of the word when we were in our Terrible Two's, establishing our toddler-sized power with two letters.  Unfortunately, it was yanked away from us and we learned that it is  a bad word to say.  Or to hear. (Except, of course, when one's finger is headed into the confines of an electrical outlet.)

You're a big girl now.  You get to choose what you say.  In her book, The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It - and Mean It, Susan Newman, Ph.D. offers five basic steps to include the word "No" more often in your vocabulary.

1. Make a list of your yeses for one week.  Jot down how many times the word slips out of your mouth.  Newman notes that the number will vary by individual, so notice how you feel when you say the word.  Deprived of time?  Anxious?  Put upon? 
2. Notice how you schedule your time.  Is it going to a few select individuals?  Is there nothing left for you?  What gets missed when your calendar is disproportionately managed?
3. Put your priorities in order.  Who are the special people that get your attention first, without you feeling resentful or obligated?  Saying "Yes" to them should make it easier to say "No" to others. 
4. Be clear on your limits.  When do you say, "Enough is enough?"  It's probably better to stop short of enough, because it's sometimes too easy to cross the line.  Do you really need to be the car pool organizer - again?
5. Delegate.  Share your work and your responsibilities.  Isn't it time for your kids to learn how to do laundry?  Are you the only one capable of contacting that new client?  When you delegate, you help others learn.

As Newman so eloquently puts it, "By saying no, you voice your opinion, stand up for your rights, and become sole proprietor of your life."

What's your story about saying "No?"