RemarkAble Women Speak

A Story with a Grateful Ending

I was asked to run a special errand for someone who is in a dire situation; a situation which was not by choice, and for which I was committed to help as best able.

My initial response was to delay a response. I was immersed in other tasks when, suddenly, I received a second request by phone.  Right away, I became concerned about the traffic I would encounter in order to complete the errand. After all, it was late afternoon AND the Mariners baseball team were scheduled for a home game at 7:10. I saw myself sitting in a sea of metal, bumper-to-bumper, inwardly griping at my slow movement on the road.

The person who made the request was at her wit's end. Other resources were not available.  I agreed to run the errand, with the stipulation that it would be later, after the traffic had subsided. 

Here's the part where I love Divine intervention. After we hung up, I "felt" the voice.  I didn't hear anything, but my body felt it.  My body asked me, "How would you feel if you were in that situation and someone delayed your comfort because they didn't want to sit in traffic?"

Bam!  My husband had no problem with a delay in dinner, and in no time I was in the car, heading out to do then what I had my convinced myself had to happen later.  The concern about traffic dissipated.  Taking care of someone's situation, one that I would not want to be in, took its place.

Long story short, and to my dismay, there was no traffic as I had anticipated.  Smooth sailing all the way. I completed part one of the errand, and proceeded to part two.  When I arrived to deliver what this person needed, her smile sank my heart. I drank in her gratitude, and silently thanked her for touching my heart.  

It would have been easy for me to feel guilt, but I didn't. Given my schedule, I knew I had to determine my priorities. At the same time, I was shown an alternative path, and stayed open to the possibility. Plus, I was shown how the power of a story can alter the course of our lives, and hinder the opportunity for sacred connections. Traffic? What traffic? I hadn't even checked the live reports for the road conditions. I made it all up!

The blessing I received was far greater than whatever satisfaction I might have gained if I had let my story play out. My smugness at beating the traffic I wouldn't have sat in if I made the delivery later would not have known the delight my heart my enjoyed earlier.

Think about a story you concocted without knowing the truth, or for which you made assumptions that proved to be invalid. It's quite natural to do when you are faced with uncertainty in the midst of a decision. Yet, it is that very uncertainty that can complicate the decision, especially when exacerbated by a story. An impulsive jump to what appears to be a logical solution may in fact be one that leaves you feeling disconnected, perhaps even stressed, by your fictitious story.

I suspect I was asking for divine guidance, without even knowing it. Fortunately, it came to me.  I considered the other option. I became more aware of the impact of my behavior on another human being. I accepted that, if my story were true, that it would be OK.  The traffic wasn't going to be a big disruption in my life. Life would go on. In that moment, though, I was being blessed, and didn't know it, until later. Gratitude from one person to another has a way of finding a permanent home in the heart.

And for that, I feel honored.

Life Lessons from Mothers

Happy Birthday, Mom!  She would be 90 years old today, but passed away when I was 19.  After all these years, her life lessons continue to teach me.  Now there was a RemarkAble Woman.  Beyond learning to cook, sew, iron, balance a checkbook, and drive, she taught me to:

Seek adventure by taking risks.  She traveled from Atlanta to the Hawaiian Islands, in 1943, to join my father who moved earlier for work as a postal carrier.  Imagine that, at age 23.  She left her family to move to the unknown, to marry and start a family of her own, and never looked back with regret.

Offer help whenever the opportunity is present.  She was the Queen of Volunteers.  I still see her face and arms covered with flour as she baked for church and school bazaars.  I hear her phoning other mothers to arrange the school carpool.  I remember the phone calls offering solace to those in need. To this day, I dedicate my volunteer work to both my parents.

Use resources wisely.  I don't clip coupons much anymore, but my mother knew how to stretch one salary to feed and clothe eight people.  From sewing our school uniforms to filling the freezer with supermarket specials, we never lacked for anything.  The spare patch in a flower garden sprouted collard greens for dinner.  Scrap fabric became summer tops to wear with cutoffs.  Leftovers from previous meals reappeared as if they were freshly made.  

Always speak the truth.  I vividly remember the Saturday afternoon she asked me to put her car, a VW bug, back in the carport.  It was sitting in the driveway, having been moved earlier to hang laundry on the clothesline.  Still somewhat new at driving, I jumped at the chance to get behind the wheel.  I don't know what possessed me, but I decided to back the car in.  Oops; too late.  I heard the crunch, and panic set in.  She heard it, too.  Her comment to me?  "Go tell your father."  She told me the same thing years earlier when my eyeglasses broke in a lawn mower race with my brother.  Knowing he was facing another unexpected expense, my father said, "Thank you for telling me."

If my mother was alive today, the one lesson I would offer to her, as I do to you, is to move to the front of the line.  Not in a selfish, egotistical manner, but in a way that honors your gifts to the world.  Nurture yourself as you care for others. Acknowledge how special you are.  Know that you deserve as much as you give.  We once tore a house dress off my mother because it had become so ragged.  Yes, it was comfort clothing for her, but she always kept our clothes well mended.  She laughed as we stripped her down, but welcomed the invitation to make or buy a replacement.

Remarkable Woman, RemarkAble Mother.  

Finding Joy in the Snow

What a snowy week it has been in the Seattle area, with more snow on the way.  With accumulations ranging from inches to feet, a lot of folks are unhappy with Mother Nature's onslaught.  I, for one, am willing to speak up on her behalf. I love snow!

Perhaps I'm a bit biased, as my coaching business allows me the comfort of my home without attempting a commute on icy roads. Yet, when I worked in an office, I was sometimes the first person there on a snowy day, until others showed up many hours later.

Did I have a method?  Most certainly. The first was to use public transportation as far as it would take me, then walk the rest of the way.  Not having responsibilities for young children, this was quite possible for me to do.  I bundled up, got an earlier start, and enjoyed the exercise.

The second secret was to find exuberance in spite of the weather.  Though I grew up in Hawaii, I am fascinated by snow.  The only reason I haven't been out in it today is that my snow boots rotted, and I have yet to replace them.

But when I am in it, I am filled with so much joy!  Snow is cool!  Some of you might be thinking I'm crazy, or that I've never been in a blizzard before.  The latter is true.  But crazy?  No way!

Life is too short to shy away from what has not yet been experienced.  Go for the gusto and feel the joy.  If you're not sure how to do that, I suggest you read The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life, by Martha Beck.  It's a delight for the soul, and a yummy "recipe" for adding zest and zing to your life.

The photo above?  That's me making a snow angel in my yard in 2004.  I'm feeling inclined to update it.  Waddya think?

RemarkAble Woman, what brings you joy?  Speak up about it here.

Sharing Gratitudes

My husband and I have taken on a new element of conversation.  Towards the end of the day, usually while we are reading in bed before falling into our zzzz's, I ask him, "So what are you grateful for today?"  The first time I asked, I didn't know how he would respond.

He looked at me, and gave me his answer.  No prompting, other than the question.  He is one who is quick to speak up.  I don't recall it being anything earth-shattering or profound, but it was honest, and it was true for him.  While we miss a night or two here and there, this has become part of how we end our day.  I cherish it more each day.

Tonight I asked him at dinner.  He said there was nothing special about today.  This time, I prompted him with, "But there's always something for which to be grateful."  Without blinking, he said, "I'm grateful I made it to work and back home."  That led to a conversation about how, somewhere, someone was in an accident, and not so fortunate.

That's how gratitude is.  It's about the little circumstances as much as it is about the grandiose occurrences and the totally awesome experiences that tickle and soothe.

RemarkAble Woman, what's on your gratitude radar screen today?  What has you appreciating the beauty of your present moment, or delighting in the times that make up your yesterdays?  How has life blessed you most recently?

And how did you thank it?

Prayers for Hurricane Survivors and Victims

The devastation cannot be understood unless you are standing in a line hundreds of miles away from home, hoping to get a single bottle of water and a sandwich, as you wonder whether your house is still intact.  The pain of destruction and death cannot be felt unless your loved one is gone or you're left to start over from scratch.  "We've lost everything," some say.

The stress of the unknown in the aftermaths of Hurricanes Gustav and Ike has many asking, "Why?"  "What's next?'' "How much more can we take?"  I wish I had answers, but I have more sentiments than solutions.

But I do have you.  Please take a moment today and the next, and the next, to pray for those RemarkAble Women, men and children who face uncertainty and despair as a result of the recent storms and hurricanes.  Gather them into your heart and envelop them with empathy for how their lives have been changed.  Encourage them to to remain hopeful and to start anew.  Whisper a word of gratitude for all that is well in your life.

You can only go halfway into the darkest forest, then you are coming out the other side. - Chinese proverb

Speaking UP for Those Who Can't

A few hours ago, I sent the following email to a host of women I know.  Why?  My intuition urged me to speak up in this way, and I did.  Now I choose to extend it to you, whoever you are, wherever you are reading this post.  Why?  Because my intuition tells me its OK to do.  Some of you have heard me mention WFW in previous posts.  Perhaps you will understand why my intuition continues to rear its voice.

Say It While You Still Can

I returned from Janet's memorial service about an hour ago, and I'm feeling a bit a bit of an emotional drain.  The shift of emotions is due in part to the fact that she is gone.  Plus, a greater level of emotions were tapped into as I listened to the stories of how people admired this RemarkAble woman. 

She wasn't loud and boisterous, but she spoke up in a quiet way that was extremely powerful.  Many remembered how she stood up for others, while holding their "perpetrators" in good grace.  Very rarely did she have an unkind word for those who were less than pleasant in their mannerisms.  She was also noted for how well she listened and paid attention, as if you were the only one in that moment that mattered.  For her, that's how it truly was.

As I spoke my truth during the eulogy, my respect for her was elevated, even as I repeated accolades that were previously voiced by others.  Janet deserved as much mention of her kind, gentle spirit as we could bestow upon her.   

In hindsight, I wonder how much she knew of how I felt about her.  How often had I told her how special she was, and in what ways?  I know that I complimented her from time to time for this and that.  Yet, how much gratitude did I honestly share with her?  It saddens me to think that I probably said more about her at her services than I ever did in person.

You've heard it said as much as I have, and yet I, for one, do not make it a regular practice.  Let people know how you feel about them while you still can.  Tomorrow is not promised, so speak up today and let your loved ones know how much they mean to you.  It can be with a simple, "Thank you," or as tender as a Top 10 list of What I Treasure About You.  In 2007, my husband gave me a Valentine card in which he wrote, "Here are some of the things I love about you."  Have I told you before that he's a keeper?

Speak up now while these treasures are still a part of your life.  Eulogies are a memorable way to accentuate the reputation of an individual who has passed, but a face-to-face exchange with a smile or a hug, while they are still alive, is a better way to go.

In my heart, I believe Janet understood what a delight she was to me.  I do not regret what might not have been said during the years, because I know what was said.  My wish for Janet is that she be greeted with loving arms when she returns home after having been on loan to us for 55 years.  For that, I am forever thankful.

Sweet journey, my dear friend.

Use Your Voice to Speak Up

I received the news this morning from her husband.  Last night, my dear friend Janet, passed away.  I introduced you to her in a post on 7/10/07.  On that day, my heart was lively and excited.  Today, it is quiet and moody.  It cries, and so do I.

The thought of never talking to her again is upsetting.  Even when she was out of breath in conversation these past few weeks, we were still engaged.  If she didn't answer my calls, I left her a message.  We last spoke together on February 23.

We didn't always have a voice-to-voice conversation.  Most times, I was not available, so she left a message on my cell phone.  For whatever reason, I began to save her messages.  My collection totals eight.  The first was on my birthday last July, when she was still in stable health.  She sang the Happy Birthday song to me.  Last night, I copied it to an mp3 file.  Now every year on my birthday, she can sing to me.  I will still hear her voice.  Forever.

I feel very fortunate.  Do you hear the silence?  It's the quiet of those voices that over-rely on technology to transmit their thoughts.  Emails and text messages fly as fast as the fingers can send them.  Mindless, heartless fingers.  They only do as they are commanded to do.

What happened to picking up the phone to say "Hello?"  When did it become de rigeur to ask someone to lunch with the aid of a keyboard?  How much more distant do we want to segregate ourselves from our very first means of communication - the human voice? 

Perhaps this is part of the reason stress levels are on the rise.  Email strings persist until a final resolution is reached, which might have been settled in one call.  Messages from the past are resurrected to prove, in writing, the error of someone's ways.  Text messages belie the eloquence of the fully spoken word. I clearly recognize the benefit of technology.  It has simplified our lives in many ways.  But there's nothing wrong with some of the old ways, either.

What can you do to bring more voice back into your life?

• Pick up the phone the next time you want to ask someone a question or invite them to an event.  Extending a personal invitation by voice adds sincerity to your desire for connection.
• Answer your phone when it rings.  I understand the choice to protect one's self by screening calls as they arrive.  But once you've identified the caller as friend, not foe, resist the desire to force them to leave a message.  The assumption that you'll call them later is not supported with a guarantee that later will even exist.
• Once a month, choose someone to call you haven't spoken to in a while, or for whom email or texting is your typical means of contact.  Surprise them with the sound of your voice; listen to the unique nuances of their voice; notice how interesting your conversation becomes.
• Add some zip to the announcement message on your answering machine.  Make it clear that you appreciate the call, and that you will call back.  Then do it.
• Ask your family and friends to call you, rather than rely on emails.  Of course, they'll still continue to send you wacky Internet messages about a sick child collecting business cards or how taking an aspirin with Coke can make you high.  Gotta love 'em, huh?

When we forego opportunities to speak to friends and loved ones, we lose more than the sound of their voice.  We miss out on the energy of two souls joining in a sacred exchange of shared opinions and dissonant thought, learned insights and new discoveries, laughter and sadness.

Memories are made of this.  So speak up.

A Final Note: Goodbye, sweet Janet.  I'll miss the bright spot in my life that you have been.  Take care, dear friend, as you travel on a journey destined for us all.  You will always be loved.

Lift Every Voice and Speak Up

Today, I am thankful for the right of unrestrained conversation that is granted with my USA citizenship, as well as to  others throughout the free world.  Though we read about governmental wiretapping, censored books in our schools and libraries, and large-scale police presence at public rallies, the opportunity to have our voices heard remains among the richest of liberties.

Tomorrow, on a national day of thanks, as you speak freely around your dinner table, or at the homeless shelter where you volunteer, or at your place of employment that never closes, remember those whose voices have been quieted by forces too strong for them to contest.  Think of those who have tried, despite struggles and defeats, and whisper a prayer for those who have succeeded.

Next week, seek out a moment to speak up and out for someone else or for yourself.  Exercise the freedom to vocalize your thoughts, share your opinions, and tell your stories.

Tell it as it is.  How it was.  What it is.  Say something.

Thank you.   

Does Your T-Bar Trip You or Lift You?

I'm not a skier, but I do know that, other than a ski lift, a T-bar can help you get up a mountain.  Without either a lift or the bar, climbing the mountain would be a laborious task.  And the real thrill is in the skiing down.  Despite its transport capability, though, the T-bar is not without its limitations.  Lean on it incorrectly, and you might topple over.

So it is with your self-talk, the communication that speaks up for you, that either steers you towards or away from your passion and purpose.  Too many negatives, and every step seems backwards.  A bounty of positive affirmations and intentions, and the sky seems no limit.