I would be remiss to not remind you that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. You likely know that already, as the month has gained prominence over the years.
Here's a slide show from Web MD that is among the thousands of pieces of information available to us all.
Stay informed. It just might save your life and, Remarkable Woman, we want you here as long as possible.
I looked out the window, and a glimmer caught my eye. Is that a butterfly? In October? It's rare enough to see them during our Seattle summers, at least in my neighborhood. But there was the flapping of yellow wings, near a tree in my neighbor's yard.
Wait a minute! That sure is a huge butterfly. On second glance, I realized those weren't flapping wings - it was a leaf blowing in the wind. But it wasn't attached to a tree. It was suspended in the air, all alone. How can that be?
For the next ten minutes, I stared at a leaf that had turned gold with the breath of the fall air, as it flitted about, seemingly having fun, while attached to a spider web. That had to be it. There was no visible link to any part of the tree. Just a leaf being inhaled and exhaled, sliding up and down the silky string as if on a tram. Up, then down, and up again. Each inhale took it behind the trunk. Each exhale brought it back into view.
All around it, other leaves were falling to the ground, no longer tethered to their life support. Some were red, others orange. They joined the hundreds that were already laying on their grassy grave, decaying to shades of brown. But not so the lone yellow leaf. Six hours later it was still blowing in the wind. Up and down. The next day, it was gone.
Nature doesn't bring these moments without a lesson to share. The Golden Leaf is like the determined heart that chooses to be expressed. It yearns for authenticity, not being content to wither and wrinkle before its time. It determines its own pace and path. It enjoys the views along the way, and brings joy to those who encounter its journey. It knows the journey will end one day, and fills each day with gusto in present time.
When it joins the others that have lost their luster on the ground, it will linger in its glory until it can no longer withstand the forces that overpower it. But it knows full well that it will return and provide sustenance to those who will replace it. With the assurance that it is not truly gone, it rests in peace.
What color is your leaf right now?
Remarkable Woman, do you know how special you are? You likely do, but in case you want a reminder, watch this inspiring video.
It's worth it to watch, because you're worth it.
Yes, you have worth. Always remember that.
Do you own a home-based business? Are you sometimes caught in the middle between the priorities of both home and business, to the point of feeling stressed?
A cardinal rule for addressing the stress in your life is to keep work and personal stress separate, in their own environments. While they both nag at the same mind (yours), they can exacerbate your attempts to be calm when they piggy-back one another. So, as a practice, though it's not always easy to do, it is more beneficial to keep your personal, home and family-related stresses away from the workplace.
Ongoing problems with little Johnny's classroom behaviors are best not addressed with office mates, and communication issues with a work colleague are best left outside of regular dinner table conversations. Occasional comments to let off steam or discussions only with a trusted and close friend are usually acceptable. But, a constant stream of tirades is a turnoff to most folks.
So what do you do when your workplace is your home? If you have a home-based business, you're surrounded by personal home-based stresses that could distract you from focusing on your business. Part of the relief process is to talk about what's going on with someone who can provide another perspective, offer advice, or merely provide a listening ear.
Who do you talk to when you are your audience? How do you vent or problem-solve when too much has become more than enough?
Delegate. If you're trying to fill all the necessary roles to keep your business afloat, it's no wonder you are stressed. Share the load. Hire the services that take you away from working on the heart of your business. That's where you are indispensable. All the rest can be done by the experts.
Join a Mastermind group, or other association where you can have regular and consistent conversations with like-minded individuals. Begin your meetings with, "I would like to release..." and allow time to let go of the physical drain caused by your stress. You don't have to share the details. "I would like to release the tightness in my shoulders from a situation that has me concerned." Then take a deep breath, and move forward with brainstorming and swapping ideas.
Talk to your spouse, or others who live with you. Don't totally exclude them, as they likely support you and have ideas or suggestions to offer. Let them decide how far they want to go into a conversation about a piece of your business that is causing you to be upset. They might be willing to go all the way, or they might prefer to pull back when it's more than they want to handle.
At the very least, they can provide a social outlet that temporarily distracts you from your business concerns. At the most, they will be involved in discussing the home issues that are also at the root of your concerns.
More importantly, the key to addressing your stress, whether personal or business-related, is to choose calm in the moment. As much as possible. Exhale out the fears, bothers, and pressures. Breathe in opportunity, potential, and achievement.
Life is really good.
Yesterday, a friend and colleague gave a speech at our Toastmasters club. We weren’t able to connect after the meeting, so I called her later in the day and left a message since she wasn't home. I told her I didn’t want the day to end without letting her know how well she spoke, how organized her speech was, how her tone of speech matched her body language, and that I appreciated the message behind her words.
Last night, she called me to say she didn’t want the day to end without telling me how my message made her day, and that she appreciated my feedback. A dip into one bucket led to a dip into another. We both felt appreciated for the simple acts we took to acknowledge each other.
According to The Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket (based on How Full is Your Bucket? by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D.), we each have a dipper with which we can fill someone's bucket with positive praise and appreciation, or empty it by dipping in with negative comments and behaviors. In turn, our own buckets are filled when we continually embellish our relationships with acts of kindness and encouragement. What goes around comes around.
If you feel stressed and frustrated by the events occurring in your personal and professional life, and in the larger world, stop, take a deep breath, and notice all the good that is happening around you. Who is responsible for that? What have they done or said to contribute to that goodness?
How will you thank them?
Eat, Pray, Love - the movie. Eat, Pray, Love - the lesson.
I saw the movie last week at a pre-party and movie screening sponsored by Chick Chat Seattle. A large gathering of women convened at lulemon athletica in Pacific Place Mall to sip wine, munch on pasta, chant, practice yoga, visit Italy, India and Bali on the internet, and gear up for Elizabeth Gilbert's adventures at a nearby theater.
This post is not a movie review, though. And it's not a book review.
It's a lesson review. A lesson for you and me in how I have eaten, prayed, and loved my way to less stress and more calm in my life. You can do it as well. Here's a recap of what I've learned throughout my years.
Eat to nourish your self and your soul. I grew up in a multi-cultural society, eating sushi, chicken adobo, black-eyed peas, kalua pork, char sui bao, Portuguese bean soup, and the menu goes on. But it is more than the food I remember. What stays in my heart is the introduction to the values of culture and self-identity.
My parents immersed me and my siblings in the nuances of other ethnicities, not only because everyone else did the same, but also because it exposed us to how we are different and alike at the same time. This serves as a reminder that we are always surrounded by community, by those who are willing to support us, to lend a helping hand, to offer advice, and to share the load, when times feel tough. All that from "breaking bread" together. It matters less what you eat, and more the way in which you find spiritual nourishment and inner peace.
Pray for others and for your soul. I pray for family, friends, and strangers to be guided through life's trials and victories. I pray for their forgiveness when I falter against them. And I pray for me. I pray for the strength to persevere. I pray in gratitude for my many blessings. I pray that my soul continues to ground me and keep me mindful of who and what is important in my life, especially when I feel the urge to choose stress over calmness. Pray for serenity.
Love others and the soul of your self.To love thy neighbor as thyself is to appreciate what is, without judgment or disdain. Sometimes it's a struggle, but loving the differences (see Eat) honors the soul of the other while blessing the self. Rather than lay blame or find fault, adapt and embrace. You'll be amazed at how your sense of self strengthens when it is enhanced by the divineness of others.
Eat, Pray, and Love. How do they calm your life?
"I never saw a hearse with a U-Haul attached to it." My friend was howling as she recounted these words she heard from her preacher during a Sunday sermon.
Get the point? There's not much more to say about that, is there? But I'm gonna anyway. That one sentence is about as simple a way to convey its very message of simplicity. Twelve words, if you count the U-, strung together in a powerful witticism.
Ah, if life were as simple as a dozen words! Too often we complicate it with adjectives and adverbs designed to embellish our homes, our garages, our closets, our recreation. Complicated clutter. Stuff.
When we feel that the adjectives that clutter our possessions need apply to us, we struggle to be "New and Improved," "Freshest Ever," and "Ravishingly Stunning," in order to "Win Big," "Look Thinner," and "Have it All!"
And to get it all, you must "Act Now!"
What if it isn't an act? What if you are "Simply Happy" and "Full of Wisdom" without any pretense? No act. Just you being you. Now that's something worth having. The simplicity of the self, with freedom to explore life, to be curious about the next corner, and to relish peace of mind.
The best part is there are no strings attached. No coupons to clip or memberships to join. You're in the company of you, yourself, and however else you choose to participate in the world. Always. Your choice. Your desire. Your simplicity.
That other stuff? You can't take it with you.
I went from our garage to the kitchen, and noticed a golden haze filtering through the skylights. Then I saw the same light coming through the skylight in the bathroom. I returned to the garage and told my husband what I saw. Then I saw the same light emanating out from the shadow of the deck above the garage. It was a bit surreal for me.
When I looked up at the sky, the sun seemed to be as bright as an eclipse, even though it was surrounded by clouds. We determined that the cloud cover accounted for the light, and left it at that.
This morning, my husband pointed to the headline in the newspaper. Fires tint skies with yellow haze.
Aha! Smoke from wildfires more than 150 miles north central of Seattle is what caused the golden tint. Leave it to Mother Nature to balance something not-so-good with something that is good.
Isn't that the way it is with circumstances in our life that go wonky on us? We get stressed and bothered by what's going on without seeing the upsides, the positives, the benefits, and the lessons to gain. We desperately wait for the afterglow when the glow already surrounds us.
Don't misunderstand me; I'm not a fan of wildfires. They harm the environment, put firefighters at risk, and devastate the lifestyles of nearby residents. Breathing the smoke is harmful to those with respiratory ailments. I get that.
What I appreciate is that, even in their fury, the fires cast a glow that is welcoming and beautiful at the same time it heralds devastation and ecological disaster. Plus, as has been seen time after time, new life springs anew from the charred ruins of these fires, determined to prove that resiliency prevails.
Is this a bit of a stretch of the imagination? Perhaps. But I enjoy finding life affirmations wherever they show up and in whatever manner.
Look around. Take notice. What affirmation about life's goodness is standing right in front of you?
When you see a toddler running naked on the beach, you might "ooh" and "aah" at how happy it looks, a bit jealous perhaps of its innate sense of freedom to be in the moment, without concern for what others think.
If you were to trot naked on a beach as an adult, aside from the laws that ban such exposure (at least in the USA), you run into the additional exposure of those who would criticize every bump and lump on every inch of your flesh.
And that's just with your body!
Why then would you risk baring your soul to the world? Why put your innermost feelings and thoughts out there on display for all the world to gawk at, and to invite their comment?
Why not?
If you want to experience the freedom of a naked toddler, to live your life with full abandon, strip your soul naked. Be honest and up front about what you are feeling in the moment. Be honest with yourself as well as with others. The more often your true nature is visible, the less stress you put on yourself to pretend to be who you are not. The weight of pretension drags your psyche down, and your ego will fight to be noticed. That's not a battle you want to be a part of.
So get naked to your core, and live in full out expression.
"Practice being infinitely patient, never being dissatisfied with the speed or the manner in which your intentions are manifesting." - Wayne Dyer
Today I received a phone call that caught me off guard. Rather than become disturbed by it, or fall prey to making a commitment I might regret, I took a deep breath. Then I asked for a delay in my response. Two things happened that made this feel comfortable for me.
1. I was patient with myself, and I was patient with the other person. I protected my right to choose what I do with my time, especially when I am interrupted, and I respected the other person's right to pursue communication with me to resolve a situation.
2. I maintained focus on my task at hand, which includes completing this blog post, and now I will problem-solve so my return call to this person will be with a solution instead of lack of direction or clarity.
Choosing to respond rather than to react is akin to either taking a small bite or swallowing the whole sandwich. You can either work with what is manageable or you can choke on overwhelm.
Deep breath. Respond. Smile.
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