RemarkAble Women Speak

More Than Mere Horse Sense

A lesson from a horse. I didn't know how it would happen, but I knew it would. On a recent visit to Redtail Farm in Maple Valley, WA, I met up with life and business coach, Rachel Dexheimer, who uses horses in her work with clients. I had heard of the power of horses to connect with humans using amazingly intuitive energy. Now I was experiencing it.

As Rachel and I stood talking in the pastureabout what was on my mind, Rohan, the leader of the herd, suddenly began making his way towards us. I felt my body react to his movement as he drew nearer. The last time I encountered a horse was at the age of seven, and it was a pony. Now I felt the fear of not knowing what would happen, what I was "supposed" to do.  I quite naturally reached out and stroked his mane and his head. Nonplussed, he continue to eat the grass at our feet.

Then he walked away a bit,continuing his meal, as Rachel and I carried on with our coaching conversation. Without anticipation on my part, Rohan then began making his way back towards us. As he drew closer, I reached out to pat his large body. He continued his stride, and before I knew it, he was standing on my right foot.

Ow! Ow! Ow!That's what I remember saying. Struggling to remove my foot proved futile. Rohan weighs in at 1700 pounds. After standing there for a few seconds, he moved on. Rachel compassionately asked if I was alright, which I was. My old but trusty Rockport shoes saved the day, and my foot. Rachel assured me that it was rare for that to happen, and that Rohan had not put his full weight down on my foot. Just enough to make his point.

Ever the coach, Rachel used that moment for powerful questioning. "What was he telling you?" Since our conversation was around my self-expression, it became clear that Rohan was encouraging me to stand my ground, as he so aptly demonstrated on my foot. Don't worry about how others will react. (Ow!)  Express what you think and how you feel, with conviction and respect, and let it be. When he walked away, Rachel asked, "Does he look like he's worried about you?" Obviously not. He let me take his picture when I asked.

Lesson learned. Or re-learned, I might say. My self-expression has increased significantly since my days as a shy child. I am more likely now to say what is so for me. On occasion, though, I do hold back, for a number of reasons. Like the true leader he is, Rohan reminded me, as I remind you, that all words have value when spoken from the heart. Let them be heard, without judging. Allow the message to resonate with the receiver in whatever way they choose. Accept that their reaction might not be as you prefer. Trust that your intentions are good. Learn what comes to you in return, and embrace the lesson. 

RemarkAble Woman, what do you want to say?

One Question

What is possible for you today?

A Simple Game, A Big Lesson

I was playing Scrabble (R) with my husband and mother-in-law, when my eyes suddenly told me I was seeing a long word.  All I would have to do is move the letter tiles around, and the word would emerge.  I felt the possibility even before the semblance of the word appeared.  I just knew it was there.  Wow!  A five, maybe even six, letter word. 

PASTE? PASTED? STAMP?

Deep breath.  And another.  Wait a minute!  STAMPED!  I can use all 7 tiles.  But I needed to connect them to another tile already on the board.  Hmmm.  Another deep breath. 

Who's Taking Care of You?

Today I had a delightful coaching session with a client who gets it.  She experienced firsthand the value in taking care of herself, and saw how each activity is a gift to her Self.  Exercising with her daughter and enrolling in a writers' group allow her to connect, not only with others, but also to that person inside that says, "Here I am.  Love me."  We all have that person in the rich space of our hearts.  It's more a voice than person, but it is a part of who you have always been.

It's your intuition.  It feels neglected when you forget to stroke it, to thank it, to pamper it.  "Why wait for someone else?," it pleads.  "Am I not important to you?"

A Choice of Intention

Last week, I attended an all-day conference sponsored by my local Puget Sound Coaches Association.  What a blast we had!  Whenever you put a bunch of coaches in one location, the energy level is automatically ramped up megafold.

The morning keynote speaker was Sandra Anne Taylor(pictured here with me), author of the New York Times bestseller, Quantum Success.  She has also written Secrets of Success (with her twin sister, Sharon A. Klingler) and Secrets of Attraction.  Yes, we chuckled about the fact that she and her sister have the same middle name as me, and their maiden name is my married last name.  Sandra's latest hot-off-the-presses book is 28 Days to a More Magnetic Life, a palm-sized treasury of thoughts and activities to help you ingrain the habits that will lead to the attainment of your goals and intentions.

Sandra noted that there are two kinds of intentions.  Logistical intentions are about something you want to do; for example, find a new job, end a relationship, plan for retirement.

Emotional intentions, however, are usually a random reaction to something.  You did not intend to get upset with the waitress when you first walked in a restaurant.  Then she forgot to bring your order in a timely fashion. If her delay will make you late for a meeting, she becomes the focus of your anger and your stress. Your intention now is to blame her (at least, in your mind) for disrupting your afternoon. The anger and stress might even carry over into your evening. 

The beauty of emotional intentions is that they can be shifted in the moment to one that is more positive and has more energy. From anger to compassion; from stress to calmness.

When I talk to women's groups about the damages of stress, I remind them that accumulated stress does not put the body in a healthy state of being.  Over time, it can set the body up for disease and illness.  As Sandra told our conference audience, it's OK to have a negative thought.  Accept that that is where you are right now, then move out of it by shifting your consciousness towards an attitude that supports you better, and increases your energy to a higher level.

Throughout the days and weeks to come, I will share more lessons from Sandra Taylor, especially around the power of your consciousness to create your reality.  In the meantime, consider this intention she encourages us all to embrace each morning.

"I am creating happiness today."

The Music is Not Dead

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the tragic plane crash that took the lives of rock and roll legends Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, the Big Bopper J.P. Richardson, as well as the pilot, Roger Peterson.  Theirs was the music of my older sisters, and because I heard it all the time, the songs of the '50s and '60s have always been my favorites.

It is said that these talented singers are memorialized in the song, American Pie, written and sung by Don McLean.  Interpretations aside, Don has never stated that is so.  Yet, the song's words, "the day the music died" are often attributed as a final sendoff to the teen heartthrobs and the DJ.

The Day the Music Died.  Music that came from the bottomless abyss of their souls; music that spoke of teenage love, romantic heartbreak, and youthful escapades.  Simple lyrics and innocent pinings wrapped up in indelible stories.  Music that stirred a generation to speak up in new, powerfully bold ways about what was important to them. Music that is not dead.

What about your music, your dreams, your passions?  What's stirring in that intuitive space deep within you that yearns to be expressed?  In might not have a tune, but it is music nonetheless.  It is the music of your dreams, the song of your soul.  It might sound like a best-selling novel, a charitable foundation, a new business, parenthood, travel to remote shores, becoming a chef, doing a triathlon.  Music that puts your authentic self smack dab in the middle of an infinite oasis.  Music that has you doing and being as you were meant to do and be.

Yes, today's times are difficult, but a recession cannot kill your music.  It cannot take away your right to live a life full of happiness and joy. Only you can do that. But I don't believe you want to do that.  If you are waiting for the perfect moment, there is none like the present, and it need not be perfect.  Begin now to feel the divine tugs, especially if you've ignored them in the past.  Pay attention as they grow stronger.  Act, as they urge you forward, with small steps. If you've already begun to realize your dreams, forge ahead.  Keep whistling a happy tune. The world deserves your music, however it shows up. 

If you want proof that the music did not die in 1959, visit Ritchie Valens' website.  Regardless of your age, crank up the jukebox.  Maybe you won't get goose bumps like I did, listening to him croon about Donna, but something will awaken in you. 

It will be the possibilities of your own music that have come alive. 

A Conscious Reawakening

Happy Birthday, Martin Luther King, Jr. (1/15/29 - 4/4/68)

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.~ MLK

In just a few days, the first African-American President of the United States will be sworn into office.  The country is awash with hope for the prospect of change. Much has been revealed in light of the upheavals in our financial institutions and the resulting downward spiral that has impacted industries, governments, and citizens here at home and abroad.

Do you feel what I feel?  Yes, a change is coming.  But it's not coming on the back of one person. Or a Cabinet. And it's not coming from blame or disillusionment. It's coming from the hearts and minds of those who have retained their civic pride.  It's coming from time-honored traditions that uphold the righteousness of all people. It's coming from those who are willing to ride the downturn until it becomes an upturn.  Change is coming from those who continue to believe.

The change is a conscious reawakening of possibility, of cleaning house, of starting from scratch, of knowing that global connections are more important than ever before.  One people.  One world. The greater population, the good people, are no longer content with silence.  We're in this together.  We're excited about the building momentum. We stand at the ready to do our share.

RemarkAble Woman, what is on your mind and in your heart?  Speak up, and let it be heard.  This is your time.

Look Around and See

I am very cautious when I drive, and yet today, there were two distractions that took my eyes away from the road ahead, for just a brief moment.

As I turned right out of my cul-de-sac, an elderly women was approaching from the left.  She was far enough away that my car was not blocking her path, and I could have kept on going.  But I didn't.  What stopped me was noticing the biggest, warmest smile on her face - a smile that said, "I'm grateful to be alive."  She was carrying a frond from a fir tree, no doubt one discarded during our recent windy weather.  It didn't hang limp from her hand, though.  She was lightly swinging it, as if there was a melody humming along in her heart.  Before proceeding, I waved at her with my gloved hand; she returned my wave, and I quite magically found her smile pasted on my own face.

Tootling a bit further down the road, I saw a car coming from the opposite direction.  I was curious as to the big object poking out the window.  My first thought was that it was a mop.  Go figure!  As it drew closer, I saw a big, hairy dog, paws on the downed window ledge, tongue hanging, as the wind whipped through its fur. Yes, I know this is dangerous, but at the same time, it was a delight to see.  Like the elderly woman, this pooch seemed to proclaim, "Ah, life is grand!"

The sight made me laugh, and I realized that I was still wearing the smile from the old woman.  It had been about five minutes since I left home, but by looking around and noticing, I received two very special gifts that stayed with me for a long time later.  Look.  See.  Feel.  Life is grand! 

What put a smile on your face today?

For Auld Lang Syne?

Happy New Year, RemarkAble Woman!

We're only 12 days into 2009, and already I have stepped up my social calendar.  My husband and I are definitely not the poster children for extroverts, preferring instead to keep each other company at home.  Sometimes that includes snuggling down to a movie (we both teared up after watching Bridges of Madison County Friday night), or working separately in our home offices.  Other times, we work jointly on a home project.

But this year will be different.  Our goal is to socialize more with friends and family by extending at least 1-2 invitations each month beyond what we might normally do.  For dinner, brunch, or perhaps, dessert only.  Our home. Their home. At restaurants.  We welcomed 2009 with a party invitation from our neighbors. We've been to Game Night and a birthday party, and had dinner with friends who were busy during the holidays. I had dinner with two girlfriends who agreed our annual "holiday" get-together will now take place twice a year.  All that has happened, and we haven't even hosted at our own home yet.

So where is this urge, this desire to connect, coming from?  From the New Year's staple, Auld Lang Syne. Should old acquaintances be forgot?  We prefer not, though it can happen when you're heavy into playing golf (Jon) and running a business (me).  Fortunately, it doesn't have to be that way, which is why we started talking about this in the Fall.

It is said that people come to us for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.  Why not make the most of every reason, regardless of whether it might lead to a season or a lifetime?  Embrace relationship for relationship's sake. Your 401k might be shrinking, but you can grow the connections with those around you. Your coworkers.  The customers and clients you serve.  Your neighbors. 

Mis-connection is often at the root of the stress in our lives.  Not being connected can lead to assumptions.  Assumptions lead to mis-beliefs that compound over time.  The beliefs become tangled in stories that are upsetting.  The upset leads to stress. 

When we remain connected, we ask questions, share perspectives, and learn from another angle.  Curiosity mounts at the prospect of a different view.  Being with others can lead to problem-solving, and suddenly you realize you're not alone when someone explains how they resolved the same issue.  Connection in the spirit of celebration brings kindred spirits together who delight in the joy of acknowledging an event or person.  Personally, I think the best reason to get together is "just because."  Then you won't stress about not having enough food or cleaning the house.  Friends don't look for dust bunnies.

From time to time, I'll share some of our social gatherings with you.  The joy of the holiday season has no bounds.  And relationships and connections need not either.

 

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my father's 90th birthday. Well, he would have been 90, but he passed away in 2001.  Fortunately, it was well before the disaster now known as 9/11, so he was spared the living horror of that event.  And yet, the lessons he taught, if practiced, might have prevented that scene from ever taking place.  At least, I'd like to think that.

Here are five snapshots of lessons my father taught me that this daughter is proud to share.  Undoubtedly, you've heard them in some fashion before, perhaps from others more widely known.  But it's his birthday, so allow me to grant my Dad his moment of notoriety.

• You can do anything you want in this world, as long as it does not bring harm to you or anyone else. (I think he swallowed hard the day I told him, after the fact, that I had solo parachuted from 2400 feet.)

• Stay true to your heart, and do what you know is best. (He comforted me when I moved to LA and my planned roommate told me her cousin, who did drugs, wanted to move in with us.  I found my own apartment.)

• Always acknowledge that there is a higher force than you. (He first made this clear to my older brother when he dropped out of the Catholic church as a teenager, and it later piqued my interest in East Indian and Asian religions.)

• Don't be afraid; just go for it.  (Growing up in Hawaii, we heard the pidgin English version: No scaid 'em; go get 'em.)

• It's only a problem if you make it one. (What he would say is, "No pilikia," which is Hawaiian for No problem or No trouble.)

These lessons, and more, have encouraged me to speak up on my behalf, and that of others, throughout my life.  Thanks, Dad.